Clique-ness
October 19, 2007
As each day goes by, I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into isolation. I know that I should start making friends and stop spending all of my time alone, but it is difficult. It is now the end of week 7, and cliques were already formed way at the beginning of week 2. I don’t fit in anywhere, although I try. Most of the girls in my program irritate me, even the older ones are immature. I am wary of the “nice” girls in my class, because of my whole experience back in week 2 that almost seemed never ending. Hell, that bullshit hasn’t ended yet and it’s like 4 weeks later. Regina is still a major bitch, Gretchen only speaks to me when she sees fit, and that other girl who claimed to be “neutral” about the whole situation doesn’t even bother to give me the time of day.
I feel like every time I sit with the people in my program, they are just being nice because they have to. I feel like they are merely putting up with me. I feel like I don’t fit in.
I know it sounds stupid, for me to sit there and think “wow, they are so fake” and then feel so alone and isolated. But if you heard the tone of voice and the way it was said, you wouldn’t think I was crazy. Normally, I love to make new friends. I don’t judge and I full out trust everybody. But then I realized that half the time, these people didn’t even enjoy my company.
I’ve been told a million times before by adults and everyone around me that I have a wonderful, bubbly personality, but if my personality is so wonderful, how come I’m having such a hard time making friends? Ya, I have people whom I speak to during the day and sit with, but I always get the impression that they aren’t being 100% real with me.
Which is pathetic. Hello, Social Service Workers in training! Where are all those attributions that we are supposed to have if we want to be in this field? Aren’t we supposed to be genuine? Empathetic? Understanding? Accepting? The list goes on and on, and it seems like 99.5% of these people don’t apply those things to their every day relationships. It’s like they actually believe those attributions are only needed when at work.
So this semester is almost over, and I still don’t have a group of people that I really relate to. There are people I talk to, and people who put up with my presence but never really seem to want me there.
Oh well, there isn’t a lot I can do about that. It just sucks that I always have to watch from the sidelines. Maybe things will change though, who knows.
At least midterms are over.
October 19th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
< ![CDATA[How were the tests? Did you feel you did well?]]>
October 20th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
< ![CDATA[I know it's hard. I've been there too. Somewhere at middle school I didn't fit in for a year, and it was hell, remembering is still painful, but luckily in the past. I think you're going through something similar to my middle school years, I hope you find the right friends soon.
I hate it when you don't know if people really like you or they're just being polite. And I know how fake people can be. I hate it too.
Wish you were here! Actually I wouldn't wish that, because it's been hell here too. But if I went to your school or you went to mine, I'de be your friend. =) There's no way of really proving it, but I think it would be that way.]]>
October 21st, 2007 at 12:54 pm
< ![CDATA[Lexi; I can’t be too sure how I did. I believe I did okay on them, but I really don’t know about my Psychology test. Hopefully I did well enough to pass!
Gaby; awh that’s such a sweet thing to say! I would totally be your friend if we went to the same school to. I can tell by reading your blog that you are actually someone I would easily get along with, which is saying a lot. Lately there isn’t a whole heck of a lot of people I would actually get along with. I hate trying to tell the difference between fake and polite, because you know that when people are being “polite” about hanging out with you, they really don’t want you there. Why should they need to be polite about it? Why wouldn’t they just be real? Bah.]]>
October 21st, 2007 at 1:04 pm
< ![CDATA[I've found that generally, people suck.
If you really try to reach out to them and things don't improve over time, I'd cut and run and look for friends elsewhere. Cool peeps are an endangered species...but they're still around.
...at least until the icebergs melt.
or something.]]>
October 21st, 2007 at 1:49 pm
< ![CDATA[Jess; I’ve found that too. It’s a shame, really. Where did all the good people go?
I guess we really better work on reducing our green house gases, or else it really will be bye-bye to the good people -and me. :|]]>
October 21st, 2007 at 2:27 pm
< ![CDATA[Maybe part of your personality is difficulty trusting people? That would make it difficult to make friends.]]>
October 21st, 2007 at 5:38 pm
< ![CDATA[I am the last person in the world who should be giving advice about this sort of thing, considering that I only made ONE friend at college by the time I graduated, but I've really found that quality is much more important than quantity when it comes to friendships. Maybe you're just unlucky at the moment to be surrounded by people who aren't good friend material.
By the way,this is sooooo true: "it seems like 99.5% of these people don’t apply those things to their every day relationships. It’s like they actually believe those attributions are only needed when at work" My ex, who was a paramedic, was so nice, caring, and empathetic with his patients at work, but treated me like shit when I was hurt. It's really disappointing how many people are like that, I just hope they at least manage to keep up the appearance for the sake of the people they are required to help as part of their job...]]>
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:17 am
< ![CDATA[Awannabe; that never used to be part of my personality but I guess over time that is something that develops.
Girl, Dislocated; I really haven’t found anybody of quality in my program. Which sucks. And I think I shall beat your ex-boyfriend up. What a dumbass. Glad he is your ex!]]>
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:39 am
< ![CDATA[Things will slowly change as you start taking more classes geared towards your major and find more and more people with whom you agree.
You do have a good snarky personality, and the people who don't like you are clearly stupid. Or jealous. Fuck 'em.]]>
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:40 am
< ![CDATA[Forgot to subscribe.]]>
October 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am
< 
I say fuck them too, but damn they are annoying!]]>